I have a friend, or maybe not so much a friend, that I’ve found myself wondering about here and there. I say not so much a friend because it’s been so long since we’ve been friend-like to each other.
There’s one thing about being civil to one another, and there’s another thing about being stuck in a space where your friendship isn’t so defined and being left to figure it all out. I don’t know one way or another around it, but I’m here, holding onto a friendship that let go of me a long time ago.
Things were fine, really, and then there was a moving on - change of location and relation that became a huge chasm between us. I stood at the edge of that chasm a long time and stared at the other side equally long because what was once familiar wasn’t. What was shared became left behind. What once was “us” was no more.
I at times feel bitter and ask, to no one in particular: so, where did it all go? I have no idea, and I have no desire to chase it to its conclusion, but I can’t deny that this hurts. It reminds me of a dull ache that won’t go away but kicks in when the rain is on the horizon. I want to, at the very least, let this person know that I never stopped caring.
I suppose at some point, I should have enough in me to put it aside or address it, but I just don’t have it in me anymore. Maybe that’s a good thing, maybe it’s a bad thing. But that’s the problem with being left on the precipice. Jumping would solve a lot of issues, but it would also solve a lot of issues.
btw, this is about someone who i am no longer in touch with, so don’t get all crazy thinking i’m talking about you. no really. stop it.
char